I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
