somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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