I cut my penus on the lid.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
