I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
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