Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
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