If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
