Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
