I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
