Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
