Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
