just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
