I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Randomize
