Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
