I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Randomize
