Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Randomize