Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Pooping to opera.
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