Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
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