I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
