tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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