His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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