batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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