worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Randomize
