Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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