Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I can't turn off my feet"
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
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