So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Randomize
