As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize