I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I'm always down for nudity.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
