you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
