My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
