we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
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