I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
