absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
