you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
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