do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
