I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
