were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize