Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
If I die, sorry about rent.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Randomize
