Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Randomize
