I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
two words...techno handjob
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
