I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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