i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
