'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
i will never coherently bang her
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
We left the knife in your bed.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Randomize
