Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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