love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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