Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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