so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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