All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize