I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
