College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
