Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
