Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
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