Pants 0. Shit 1.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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