So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize