You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
