She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Randomize