A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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