last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
