the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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