we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Randomize
