i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize
