best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Randomize
