My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Randomize
