Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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