Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Randomize
