I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Randomize