So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
