i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
