woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Randomize
