it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
