The answer is no. Its an illegal search n seizure!
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
