i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
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