remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Randomize
